Taking a Break. Why It’s so Hard, But so Important to do Anyway
When I was in the middle of my infertility journey, already immersed in the world of Assisted Reproductive Technologies and high tech everything, I remember well the feeling of being on a fast moving train that never made any stops anywhere. And I remember how quickly the whole process came to feel that way. Once you are in the cycle of monthly procedures and doctor visits it just never ends.
I remember a familiar conversation with the doctor after a failed cycle and at the end of the appointment he would just pass us along to the nurse who was ready to schedule us for the next month, to start it all over again. There was never any suggestion of a break or even the possibility that we might want to think about what to do next. There was never any room for processing what just happened, for acknowledging the grief, for anything other than continuing to run on this endless hamster wheel.
Why is it SO hard to just STOP and take a break?
I know that I had this underlying feeling of desperation about the whole process and that feeling never went away. It followed me everywhere and just fed into the fast moving train. At the time I couldn’t IMAGINE stopping, or taking a month or two off.
Besides, I WAS OLD!
How could I possibly justify taking time off when TIME WAS RUNNING OUT!?
But the irony of it all for me is that WHEN I DID FINALLY STOP, EVERYTHING CHANGED FOR THE BETTER.
The moment that I said, “I can’t do this anymore, I need a break,” and signed up for the weekend yoga retreat is when I finally started to feel better. It’s when I finally got off the train. And when I did I was able to:
- restore some of my drained energy
- give myself some perspective on the situation
- refocus on taking care of myself just because it’s a good idea
It allowed me to reconnect with myself so that I could think more clearly about what I really did want to do next.
- How does taking a pause sound to you?
- Have you even thought about doing this?
What would it feel like if you just stopped doing all the things for a month?
I strongly believe that we must create ways to take breaks and pauses in this process, in any way that you can. The more you can be reminded of your life outside of “Trying To Conceive” the better off you will be. And if taking a whole month off is not something you are comfortable with then find out what you are comfortable with.
Ask yourself what are some ways that you can “get off the train” even just for a brief time. Maybe it’s a five minute meditation, or a walk by yourself in the woods, or a bike ride, or a call with a close friend where you don’t talk about fertility struggles. Any kind of break is good. Just be conscious that you are taking a break and allow yourself to fully be in the break. Feel how you feel in those moments of getting off the hamster wheel. Remember what it’s like to exist outside of the fertility challenges. Remember that you once did. You will feel better when you come back to the task at hand.
Here’s to slowing that train down!
