How to Deal with all those Nosy Questions. Plan Ahead!
One of the many difficult things about struggling with infertility is all those incredibly nosy questions that people ask. It’s amazing right? And it’s especially bad when they seem to come out of nowhere. It’s that unexpected thing that can make it even harder than it already is. SO…let’s plan ahead!
I know that may sound weird but it really does help. Sometimes it’s easy just to avoid thinking about those things that we dread. But you know that these questions are coming right? Just like you know that when you are having a really bad day you are going to run into a very pregnant lady at the grocery store. So instead of ignoring the inevitable, let’s go over our options and play with a few responses that you could give.
So someone asks, When are you going to start a family?
Remember! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL ANYONE THE TRUTH IF YOU DON’T WANT TO!
Your path to growing your family is your private business. You get to decide who to share it with and when and how. Don’t worry for a second about not being truthful. It’s none of their business!
So, a few possible answers are,
“We are just enjoying our time together as a couple right now.”
“We are just too busy with work right now to even think about that stuff!”
“Who knows! We just started a (garden, book club, skiing lessons, french classes) and are so into that.”
Follow all of these answers immediately with a question about them. (How is your son doing? New job? House renovation? Your pets? etc.)
Or follow up with walking away from this person if in a social setting: “Oh I see grandma! I need to go say hi to her.” Or, “Excuse me, I need to use the restroom”. Etc.
The key here is to practice these answers in your head or out loud ahead of time. Decide what you are going to say and practice saying it. You can even role play this with your partner. The more you have practiced ahead of time the easier it will be in the moment.
And of course you could always tell the truth. If you decide to do this you can also plan ahead. You may want to have answers that don’t leave room for follow up questions like:
“We have been trying for (however long you want to say) and it’s not going so great, but I don’t really want to talk about that right now.”
Or you can leave it more open-ended and see where things go:
“We started trying (A year ago) and it hasn’t worked yet. We are trying to figure out what our next steps are now.”
I recommend that you schedule a few minutes in the next couple of days, even 10 or 15, to think about your answers to these questions. You could write them down and post them somewhere so that you see them and remember them easily. Then they will be on the tip of your tongue the next time you are faced with nosy questions.
Good Luck!
