WHEN IS IT EVER ENOUGH?
How many times have you asked yourself, “Am I doing enough?”
Or
“Isn’t there something more that I could do?”
I think many of us ask ourselves these questions all the time about all kinds of things in our lives.
But when it comes to dealing with infertility these questions are a real beast.
Because, of course, there is ALWAYS SOMETHING MORE to try. And we can’t EVER get away from that nagging little voice in our head that says “Maybe, if I had done XYZ, I would have gotten pregnant!” And, of course, you will NEVER KNOW what would or would not have happened if you had done something differently.
So what are we to do in the midst of these questions and the uncertainty that surrounds us? Goodness knows there is plenty of advice out there that comes in all forms! But when the day is done and it’s just you and your thoughts as you drift off to sleep, what do you do? And how do you decide?
One important thing about the answer to this question is that YOU GET TO DECIDE. You get the privilege of deciding what to do with your life and your time and your money. And no one else gets to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do with your body! That is 100% your decision. You get to decide when enough is enough.
But of course this is both the blessing and the curse. And I certainly know that making these decisions feels like anything but a privilege!
Since each of us is totally unique and our particular situations are different, we each have to find our own answers. We ultimately have to be able to make decisions and choices that we can live with, that we can make peace with. No matter what the outcome of our infertility journey, we need to be able to live our lives and move forward.
One of the most effective ways of making decisions is to get connected to ourselves and our own inner voice and wisdom. We all have this somewhere inside, even if we lose track of it. Find moments where you can get away from all the noise and get quiet with yourself. Take time to be still long enough to begin to hear your own voices deep inside. And when you have created the opportunity to listen to your inner voice I want you to ask yourself these questions.
Who matters the most to you in your life right now? What relationships are you determined to maintain, no matter what the future holds?
What matters most to you in your life right now? What parts of your life are you sure you want to nurture and hold onto?
Take a few minutes to write down the answers to these questions. It is crucial that you stay clear about who and what are most important to you. Then you can remind yourself of this periodically.
Once you know who is most important to you, your partner perhaps, make sure you tell that person. Let them know how much they matter to you because there will be times that it does not seem that way. The infertility journey can give each of us a bad case of tunnel vision and make it appear that the ONLY thing we care about is getting pregnant.
Once you have an answer to what is most important, write that down and be sure to schedule time in your day or week to take care of that part of your life.
Most of all, be kind to yourself. You are enough already. You have done enough already. I know how hard this journey is and how hard it is to make decisions about how to proceed. I believe that you can make decisions that feel right to you, that allow you to live your life knowing that you determined your own “enough”.
